I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
