dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
