She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
