Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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