just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was like having sex with a tree stump
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
