She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
