Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
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