Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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