you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
