Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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