I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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