Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I look better un-naked...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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