Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
