I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We talked him into tasing himself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
