1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
