You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
