I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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