I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
