So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
