Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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