I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
