I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
