i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
