I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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