I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
