I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
