I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
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all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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