your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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