I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
