So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
