just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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