god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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