Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
