I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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