You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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