Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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