remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
