tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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