i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
