I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
