So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
