I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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