Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize