Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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