Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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