HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
