Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
