So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize