4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
