Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
