I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
