It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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