Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
