By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
