WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
