she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
