Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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