Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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